


Intoxicating

by FaygoMayhem



Series: Love Is Whatever You Make It To Be [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Control Issues, Geek Culture, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Sexual Content, Texting, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-04 04:38:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaygoMayhem/pseuds/FaygoMayhem
Summary: Axel is a rising internet star looking to make his mark on the world with videos about his passion for a popular game series. He meets a boy at a convention that completely shares in his enthusiasm and starts to think that he just may have found the love of his life.Too bad he still has to go home and turn back to Lea, a person who is still afraid to make any real changes in his life with a boyfriend who wont stop pushing him in a direction that's bound to cost him his soul.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This author's note is the same for the first chapter of all three parts of the series.
> 
> Welcome. As some may have noticed, the fic I posted a few days ago under the same title as the name of this series has been deleted and is now split into three separate works. There were many reasons I made this decision, but ultimately it was because the experimental style wasn't working and I felt the individual stories were suffering for it. Splitting them up gives me more freedom to flesh out certain sections and the chance to present each story properly.
> 
> The first two chapters of each story in the series are re-posts from the previous work that are largely unchanged except for a few minor edits. The interlude sections have been worked in to the story they belonged with and are no longer singled out. They will update in order within a few days of each other at the most.
> 
> Most importantly, it is not necessary to read the other parts in order to understand each individual story. Characters and events from the other parts will be referenced, but the information is all supplemental. Also, all the characters have been aged into their 20's.
> 
> Before this note gets way too long, let's get on with it.

 

The worst part of conventions was the lines.

For going on three hours Axel had been standing in a line wrapped several times all the way around a giant castle structure in the center of the showroom floor housing demo copies of _Fragment Crossing_ , the brand-new third title of the popular _Never Was_ RPG series. It felt like an eternity, but he finally was a part of the next group to go in.

Axel had been living and breathing _Never Was_ since the first game launched ten some years ago, back when he was a teenager, and now the long-awaited series end was set to release sometime later this winter. He was practically walking on air. He’d had to beg and plead with Isa for about three months to take money out for a ticket to this convention so he could try the demo; and even when he’d finally given in his boyfriend still refused to come with him, though he’d been even more of a _Never Was_ fanatic then Axel back in the day. He was disappointed to be alone at this critical moment, but whatever, let the sourpuss miss out.

The doors to the plywood castle open, and Axel nearly bowls some kid over in his excitement to get to a station. He practically bounces up and down at his designated screen while the presenter goes through his rambling explanation of what to expect in the demo. When the title screen is finally flashed, he nearly squeals with glee and mashes the start button.

The next fifteen minutes of his life are spent marveling at the most beautiful graphics he’s ever seen in a game as he runs, jumps, rolls, and slashes his way through enemies with impressive skill. He’s in a loopy daze as the attendant ushers them out of the castle to make room for the next group, a giant satisfied smile plastered on his face.

“That was SO AWESOME!” he gushes absently to the small crowd exiting with him.  Most of them give him a strange look and wander off, but the small blonde he’d nearly knocked over earlier stays at his side. A euphoric smile to match Axel’s splits his face wide open and Axel is overwhelmed with ‘ _cuuuute’_.

“I know, right? The part where you’re free falling off the cliff and fighting in the air while the fire shoots around you? It slayed me; I’m dead now. Bury me with a copy of the game and go on your merry way,” the blonde draws an ‘x’ over his chest with a finger and leans backward with a blissful expression.

Axel laughs, “You can’t die yet, you know. Rumor has it that after this game they’re going to do a spin-off with Skylark as the main character.”

“And suddenly I am revived,” he stands back up and looks over at Axel curiously, “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“If you do, I’m insulted that you forgot me,” Axel turns his head away in mock offense as the blonde thinks.

“Oh yeah, you’re that guy from ViewTube. Axel, right?”

Stunned that he’d actually been recognized, the redhead drops the act and crosses his arms with a flattered smirk, “The one and only.”

“I’ve seen a few of your _Never Was_ lore videos. You have a booth here or something?” The blonde glances down to inspect the badge around his neck and seems a little disappointed when he sees it’s only a regular guest pass.

“Nah, I’m slumming it with the common folk today,” he looks over slyly at the blonde, “Why? Did you want an autograph—”

“Roxas. Got it memorized?” he pokes a finger to the side of his head and they both break out laughing at his poor imitation of the catchphrase Axel uses in his videos.

“So where you headed now, Roxas?” he’s not ready to let this guy go yet, even though there’s a voice screaming in the back of his head that he probably should.

Roxas shrugs, flipping through his program, “I dunno. There’s a cosplay contest in the main event hall I was going to check out in about an hour, till then I guess I’ll go poke around the vendors. Wanna tag along?”

“Sure, maybe we can enter the contest as a group,” Axel waggles his eyebrows and gestures down to the twin black zippered cloaks he and Roxas both are wearing, a copy of the characters from _Never Was_.

Roxas sniggers, “Yeah, us and about half of the convention.”

They walk down to the vendor hall discussing games, movies, and music. Roxas has nearly identical tastes to his, and Axel can feel himself falling harder and harder with every second they spend together. The voice in the back of his head is sounding off every alarm bell it can find, but he’s still not paying attention. In the middle of a heated debate on which games would be in the running for Game of the Year (besides _Never Was_ , of course), Roxas suddenly stops walking.

Obliviously, Axel continues on, “What do you mean you don’t think Verum Rex has a chance? It has some of the best maps and shooting mechanics I’ve ever—uh, Roxas?”

The blonde is stunned silent at one of the vendor booths, cradling a small package in his hands like it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. Axel wanders back over and sees that it’s an official action figure of Firehawk, a lesser known character of _Never Was_ , but the coolest.

“I can’t believe it,” Roxas whispers in awe, “I haven’t been able to find this _anywhere._ They made so few of them it’s always sold out. Figures I don’t have enough.”

“You like Firehawk?” Axel was stunned, most of the other fans of the game he interacted with always hated the character because of his shady actions and betrayals. He’d been roasted on the internet day after day since he’d started posting videos praising his well-written fall to villainy and speculating about his true intentions to be revealed in the third game.

Roxas scoffs, “He’s only my favorite character.”

That does it; Axel is a little bit in love.

He snatches the package from Roxas’ hands and he squawks in indignation, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Buying it for you, what do you think?” He winks at Roxas and stalks off toward the guy running the register.

Roxas blinks as Axel takes out his wallet to pay, “Are you kidding? These things are like eighty dollars.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s only Friday and this is most of his spending money for the entire three-day convention, the look on Roxas’ face as he shoves the bag with the figure inside into his arms is worth it. Roxas smiles up at Axel like he’d just hung the sun and holds the package close.

“I really hope you’re not expecting a blow job in the bathroom or anything as payment for this,” he jokes.

Axel’s face flushes at the mental image and he has to forcibly calm himself down. What is he doing? His relationship with Isa might not have been perfect, especially lately, but he still loved him. He couldn’t let this get any further.

“Just think of it as something to remember me by,” Axel says sadly, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his cloak.

Roxas stares at him, confused by the sudden change of mood, “Why? You going somewhere?”

“Listen Roxas, I like you. I _really_ like you, but I can’t do this. I’m practically married,” Axel watches as the blonde’s face falls, but he keeps staring at him undeterred.

“What exactly is it that we’re doing? Last I checked being in a relationship doesn’t  mean that you can’t have friends. If it does I might just have to stay single forever,” Roxas laughs.

Axel flushes red again and rubs the back of his neck, “Guess I’m getting ahead of myself.”

“I’ll pay you back for this when I get my next check,” Roxas nudges him over as he moves to stand beside him, “If that was supposed to be some grand romantic gesture you might want to work on your game dude.”

“How am I supposed to know the game? I’ve been out of it for like ten years,” Axel nudges him back.

“Come on Casanova, the costume contest is starting soon,” Roxas smiles at him again and walks off, leaving Axel to trail behind.

He is so fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be clear, 'Axel' is just an internet persona of Lea.

The house is quiet when Axel finally drags himself through his own front door on Sunday night. Screw the lines, the worst part of conventions was the depression that sets in while being forced to return your normal, boring, life after three days of riding a constant high of excitement and shared energy. 

Color drains from his face as feels himself transforming from Axel; the adventurous, cocky, free spirit with a devil-may-care attitude, back into Lea, the directionless nobody slowly drowning in debt and self-loathing. He leaves his suitcase by the door to deal with later and walks into the living room. Isa looks up at him from where he’s seated comfortably on their plush leather couch with his nose in a book.

“Welcome home,” he marks his page and sets the book aside, “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, it was great. You really missed out,” Lea teases his boyfriend as he flops down onto the couch beside him.

“I enjoyed myself just fine here in the real world,” Isa quips.

“Yeah, balancing checkbooks and writing finance reports, how _do_ you handle all the excitement?” Lea smirks and nudges Isa with his shoulder and his face scrunches up in disgust.

“You smell,” he scoots a few inches away as Lea tips his head to sniff at his armpit.

“Guess three days crammed into a hot room with thousands of other geeks will do that to you,” Lea shrugs and stands, “Guess I better get in the shower before I further offend your delicate sensibilities, your highness.”

“You do that,” Isa reaches for his book as Lea pauses at the entrance to the living room, turning back around to shoot his boyfriend a sultry look.

“Any chance you want to join me?” he waggles his eyebrows and Isa scoffs.

“Get that convention filth off of you, then we’ll talk,” he ignores Lea as he sags his shoulders and leaves the room.

At some point in the time between going to college to pursue a business degree and landing an internship at the most cutthroat investment company on the entire island, Isa had entirely stopped being fun. He’d always been a bit dull and uncooperative, but in the past Lea had always been able to drag him out, kicking and screaming, by the ends of his shaggy blue hair.

They used to have so much fun teasing and provoking each other into increasingly stupid adventures that usually ended with the both of them in some sort of trouble, but now it was like the fire Lea used to be able to stoke inside of his friend and lover had gone out completely. All that was left was an empty shell; Isa didn’t dream of anything anymore except the dollars and cents accumulating in his own bank account.

Lea didn’t have the energy to do anything in the shower aside from scrub off the temporary triangle tattoos on his face and wash the last lingering remains of the convention atmosphere down the drain, sulking over how much it sucked to be back home. He’d enjoyed himself more in the last three days then he’d had in the last three years, and just wasn’t ready for it to be over.

As he’s drying his hair his phone vibrates on the bathroom counter and his spirits lift a little. He snatches it up and opens the message, heart fluttering a little at the sender.

**Roxas (9:43 pm):** Ugh why do conventions have to end?

**Axel (9:45 pm):** To toy with our emotions and trick us into coming back next year.

Smiling, Lea wraps a towel around his waist and carries his phone into the bedroom, pulling on a pair of boxers before throwing himself back onto his pillows and glancing up at the phone screen.

**Roxas (9:47 pm** ): Point. I don’t know what to do with myself now.

**Axel (9:51 pm):** Scream into the void?

**Roxas (9:53 pm):** I do that so much it’s starting to scream back.

**Axel (9:53 pm** ): Lol

Isa comes into the room as Lea actually laughs out loud. He gives Lea a strange look and stalks over toward the bathroom, “You seem happy. Who are you talking to?”

Feeling like he’d just been caught doing something wrong, Lea sets his phone aside, “Just somebody I met at the convention. He’s a really talented artist, I’m thinking of commissioning him for some stuff for my channel.”

“I see,” Isa’s eyes narrow and he walks into the bathroom, but doesn’t shut the door, “Don’t you already waste enough money on this little hobby of yours?”

Lea clenches his jaw as he hears the sink start to run, “It’s not just a hobby Isa, you know that. I have enough followers now that I’m starting to make a real presence. A few other channels have even reached out for collaborations.” 

Isa walks back into the room toweling his face off, “Lea, I’m sorry, but you’re not going to make a sustainable career out of ranting about video games on the internet.”

“Says you,” Lea huffs.

“Yes, and as a person who’s known you for over half your life you should listen when I warn you that as soon as making these videos of yours starts to feel like work, you’re going to give up. Then where will you be?” Isa lectures while rustling through one of his drawers. When he finds what he’s looking for he stalks back into the bathroom and starts to brush his teeth.

Lea goes quiet, muttering under his breath, “I’d still be a lot happier than I would stuffed into a tiny cubicle selling my soul for eighteen bucks an hour.”

His phone vibrates again from his pillow.

**Roxas (10:03 pm):** You free to hang out next week?

Lea groans and looks over in the direction of the bathroom, chewing his lip as he fights with himself over how to respond. Isa comes back into the room in his pajamas and climbs into the bed. Lea rolls toward him and lays his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“So did you miss me?” he nibbles a little at Isa’s ear and wraps an arm around his waist.

Isa squirms out of his grip, “Yes, I missed you terribly. You should go away again so I can miss you some more.”

Lea whines and bites Isa’s ear in retaliation, “Don’t be a jerk, you know you love me.”

“I do, and I’ll love you even more when you finally decide to do something worthwhile with your life,” Isa leans up and gives a quick peck to Lea’s lips before rolling over onto his side, “Goodnight Lea.”

“Yeah, night,” Lea whispers and rolls over himself. He shuts off the light and grabs his phone to send another quick message before falling asleep.

**Axel (10:12 pm)** : You know it

-

Roxas and his best friend Xion sit across from each other sipping overpriced coffee and making fun of tourists at a tiny café overlooking one of the many beaches on the Destiny Island. It had been a little while since they’d seen each other, since they were both getting sick of their respective families referring to them as _Sora and Kairi 2.0_ and teasing about when they were finally going to hook up despite neither of them having the slightest bit of interest in the opposite sex.

 Roxas loved his cousin just as Xion loved her sister, but it really sucked being constantly compared to the golden children almost everyone actually living on the island knew by name and reputation alone. Ever since they had started their little community project it was like being back in high school all over again, and both of them were over it.

Xion stirs a straw in her mostly empty drink and laughs as Roxas rants away about the newest styles of hideous swimwear, trying not to freak out about him stopping to check his phone every five seconds. She had never seen Roxas act so smitten with anything, and it was getting very hard to ignore him constantly looking to the couples on the beach and sighing longingly like a lovesick teenage girl.

“So, who is she?” Xion teases, watching Roxas smile down at a new message on his phone.

Roxas actually _blushes_ and sinks down in his seat, “No one, just some guy I met at the convention.”

“A guy? Roxas how scandalous, what will your mother think?” she jokingly fans herself with her hand and laughs as Roxas scowls.

“Nothing, since she’s been dead for about seven years. Besides, it’s not like that,” Roxas crosses his arms defensively and looks back out at the water.

“Rox, come on. You’ve been acting like you’re two steps away from drawing little hearts and writing poetry in your notebook all day,” she pokes him with her straw until he turns back around and yanks it out of her hand.

“Ugh, fine, I like him a little,” he admits, covering his face, “But it doesn’t matter, he’s taken.”

“So taken that he’s spent almost the entire day texting you?” Xion raises her eyebrows.

“We’re just talking about video games. He’s a ViewTuber and he’s bouncing some ideas off me since we have pretty much the same tastes,” Roxas smiles a little and Xion squeals.

“Holy shit you are so in love,” she smacks his shoulder repeatedly, laughing as he blushes again and fights her off.

“Cut it out. Like I said, he’s taken. I’m stuck admiring his ass from the friendzone,” Roxas looks down sadly and Xion hits him again.

“I’m sorry, I thought I was speaking to Roxas here. You once fist-fought a guy in the school cafeteria over the last carton of chocolate milk and you’re telling me you’re just going to sit back and _watch_ someone else with something that you want? Who are you?” she smiles at the look of indignation that crosses his face.

“What am I supposed to do? Kidnap him and steal him away? He’s been with this other guy for like ten years or something, I’m not going to compete with that.” Roxas looks away as his phone chimes again.

“Seems to me like you already are,” Xion smirks at the glare he shoots her from the top of his phone screen. She leaves him alone while he types a message then fixes him with a hard look, “Listen Roxas, when was the last time you showed this much interest in anything that wasn’t virtual?”

He snorts, “Never.”

“ _Exactly,_ you can’t just let this guy go without a fight,” Roxas goes quiet and Xion knows she’s winning him over, “At least let him know you’re interested, then the rest can be up to him. You deserve to happy for once in your life.”

“At what cost though? I’m really not interested in ruining someone else’s relationship Xion,” he types another message as Xion sighs.

“Suit yourself, I guess,” she shakes her head.

They fall silent for a while then go back to complaining about other people. Roxas barely looks up from his phone the rest of the day.

**Roxas (2:27 pm):** How about we meet up on Wednesday for lunch to talk more about the details? I’ll bring my sketchbook and maybe draft some of it out.

**Axel (2:29 pm):** Sounds good. The new Nemesis movie will be out by then…maybe we should investigate how horrible it is

**Roxas (2:32 pm):** You’re on

 


	3. Chapter 3

“So, what’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you?” Roxas takes a bite of his ice-cream and swings his shoes in his hand as they walk along the beach.

It had been a long day of shooting a series of Let’s Play videos for Axel’s channel, and the both of them were almost completely exhausted from all the laughing, screaming, and showboating they’d been doing as they both created the most ridiculous looking character they could come up with and took turns bumbling their way through a brutally hard action-RPG.

His subscriber count had been rocketing through the roof ever since he’d had the idea to bring Roxas on after their lunch meeting just a little over a week ago, and he’d started having to religiously avoid the comment section because of the sheer amount of people exploding over how good they looked together. Roxas, at least, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious and had spent the day referring to Axel by increasingly terrible pet names just to get a rise out of him, and it was really getting harder every second to resist just grabbing him by the collar of his checkered shirt and kissing the life out of him.

Now here they were eating ice-cream while walking along the beach at sunset, a scene that had to have been stolen from some cheesy summer rom-com. Axel was marveling about how he’d somehow been lucky enough to find the one person that was just what he needed to keep his life from spiraling down a drain-pipe; while still somehow being unlucky enough to have to keep him just out of reach.

“I don’t know,” Axel answers after a moment of thinking, “There’s kind of a lot to pick from.”

“Anything that ever got you arrested?”

 “Almost. You know that giant old castle looking place up by the mountains?”

“Where that scientist lives?” Roxas licks a stray drop from his melting treat and Axel has to forcibly look away.

“Yup. When we were about –I dunno twelve, thirteen—there was a rumor going around that the guy was performing all kinds of sick experiments on tourists that came here alone. That he was like, strapping them to tables and carving out their hearts while still somehow keeping them alive enough to watch.”

Roxas rolls his eyes, “That’s dumb. Don’t tell me you fell for it.”

“I didn’t, but Isa had met some girl in town who told him that she was going over there and then never came back. I tried to tell him that her family had probably just left but he wouldn’t let it go, so came up with this stupid plan to sneak in to see what was really going on.”

“And?”

Axel snorts, “We didn’t make it past the courtyard before we got caught by a pair of the most intimidating nerds you could imagine, think like linebackers but with lab coats. They practically picked us up by our hair and marched us through this creepy castle and down the longest set of basement stairs I’ve ever seen.”

“Holy crap. You didn’t try to run away or anything?”

“Man, if you had seen these guys you wouldn’t even be asking, the one guy could probably have crushed my head between his thighs like a watermelon without even breaking a sweat. So they take us down these stairs right? Well it turns out there really IS a lab in the basement. Isa and I were practically pissing ourselves as we get led past all this weird science equipment—it was seriously like something out of an old movie—and some terrifying older guy with orange eyes is waiting for us in the back beside a table. I swear it’s the only time I’ve ever heard Isa scream.”

Axel laughs at the memory of Isa grabbing his hand and standing in front of him protectively, all but snarling at the approaching stranger. Sometimes it sucked thinking back on the days when he and his boyfriend had actually been friends. He bites off the last large chunk of his ice-cream and swallows it, using the pain in his mouth and head to distract him away from getting too nostalgic.

Roxas helps by looking over at him expectantly, clearly invested in his story for some reason, “So?!?! What happened?”

Axel smirks, “He gave us popsicles and very politely told us to stay the hell out of his yard.”

“What?!?” he looks so put-out Axel has to laugh. They reach the end of the strip of beach they’d been walking and stop briefly  to trash their ice-cream sticks before turning around and heading back the way they’d come.

“I’m serious. They were setting up a clinical trial for some miracle drug that’s supposed to eventually cure cancer or something. We weren’t the first people to try and sneak in; but since we were kids, and obviously scared shitless, the guy had no reason not to believe us when we said we weren’t trying to steal anything or fuck up their tests, so he just let us go.”

“Damn, that is pretty wild. You’re lucky,” Roxas stops walking and looks out at the ocean, sighing as water laps around his bare feet.

Axel stops beside him and is  very, very, tempted to reach for his hand as they watch the last traces of the sun drop below the horizon, “What do you mean?”

“You have interesting stories to tell. Pretty sure the craziest thing that ever happened to me was when I fell asleep on a bus and got declared a missing person because no one noticed I was there.”

Axel kicks a bit of water at him, trying to cheer him up, “I thought you said the craziest thing, not the saddest.”

Roxas smiles a little, “Same difference. My poor aunt and uncle had enough crazy to deal with between their own kids so I just kinda stayed on the sidelines.”

“What happened to your parents?”

“Dad bailed before I could walk. Mom got sick, she died when I was fifteen but stopped being able to really take care of me around age nine.”  

 “I’m sorry,” Axel looks down and shoves his hands in his pockets to stop himself from doing something stupid, like try to kiss him.

“Eh, it happens. I try not to dwell on it too much. My aunt and uncle were pretty cool, I don’t really have any complaints aside from having to grow up alongside my cousin Vanitas,” Roxas shrugs, still trying to act like he didn’t care even though his casual tone was tinged with sadness.

Axel’s eyes widen, “Vanitas is your cousin?”

“You know him?”

“He joined our band a few months ago.”

Roxas scowls, then pats Axel on the shoulder sympathetically, “Dude, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, he’s a kick ass drummer. We’re actually pretty lucky to have him even though I’m pretty sure he tried to light me on fire once,” he laughs.

“Sounds like him,” Roxas shakes his head and they go quiet. When the light finally fades he starts walking again, “Your turn.”

Axel taps a finger to his temple, pretending to think long and hard, “Hmm, if money wasn’t an issue and you could do anything, what would you do?”

“Move,” Roxas answers automatically.

Axel chuckles, “Obviously. Besides that.”

“Probably waste my time doing something stupid, like trying to become a professional skateboarder.”

“It’s not stupid if it’s something you love.”

Roxas blushes and turns his head away, “So what about you?”

“It’s kind of embarrassing, but I’ve always wanted to design and write my own RPG. I have this notebook buried under the mattress filled with character ideas and quest lines, and I’ve been at so long that it’s practically full. It’s always been my dream to see it made,” It’s Axel’s turn to blush now, the only other person he’d ever told about that notebook was Isa.

“So why don’t you make it?”

“I can’t program or draw worth a damn and I just….don’t know if it will be good enough I guess.”

Roxas tugs on his sleeve and turns him around so they’re facing each other. He crosses his arms and stares Axel down, “Ok, first; you have a crazy grasp on what makes a game fun, I think anything you’d create would be incredible. Second; you don’t have to do it all yourself, that’s what teams are for. You really think most games are made by just one guy?”

Axel looks down, mumbling, “No, of course not, I just don’t know how to break into the industry without any real skill. Especially stuck on this damn island.”

Roxas groans and flicks him in the shoulder, “So go to school genius. Get some skill; apply to a company on the continent.”

“I already tried that, it didn’t turn out so hot,” Axel mutters, embarrassed. It was a bit of an understatement, considering the spectacular way he’d crashed and burned out of college, leaving him with a debt he’d have no way to pay off if it wasn’t for Isa’s help.

“So you’re just gonna give up? If it’s your dream dude you’ve gotta make it happen. Why not just put your own team together? There are plenty of nerds floating around on the internet that would probably jump at the chance to code for a halfway decent game and aimless artists aren’t really that hard to find.”

Axel snorts skeptically, “You know any?”

“Actually I do. I’ve got a couple online friends I’ve known for years who practically dream in binary, and I _am_ one of those aimless artists. If you want I can talk to them, maybe see if they’re up for a little pet project. Anything we make isn’t going to be winning any awards, but it least it would be better than a notebook buried under a mattress, right?”

“You would do that?” He really doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but no one had ever taken such an interest in his creative side.

“Why not? It’s not exactly like I’m living my best life being stuck in retail hell,” Roxas smiles and they keep walking.  

“I feel you there.”

“At least your shitty job comes with a discount you can actually use. If I drink one more kale smoothie I might as well trade in my entire wardrobe for a giant spool of hemp.”

Roxas worked part-time at a new-age hipster juice bar while trying to survive his last year of art school, a fact that Axel had been determined to not let him live down ever since he’d found out.

“You look adorable in the bright orange hat though,” Axel slings an arm around Roxas’ shoulders and ruffles his hair.  

 “Fuck off,” Roxas grouches, but steps in a little closer.

It’s dark by the time they finally get back to the lot where Axel parked his car, and they both climb in so he can ride Roxas home. On the way they fight over the radio, eventually landing on some terrible bubblegum pop song they make a contest out of butchering the lyrics to. When they pull up to the driveway Roxas lingers in the car.

 He pulls the messenger bag with his stuff into his lap and rummages around in it before handing Axel a folded piece of paper, “Oh before I forget. I, uh, made you something. It’s kinda stupid, and I still owe you for the figure, but I thought you might like it.”

He shrinks down in his seat as Axel unfolds the paper and gasps, “No way!”

Roxas had drawn him a rendition of his favorite cutscene in the second _Never Was_ game, where Firehawk and Skylark battle in an abandoned city. In the picture they have their swords clashed and matching looks of rage and determination on their faces. Buildings burn around them, and the other characters fight off waves of monsters in the background.

“Roxas this—it’s perfect,” he stares at the drawing in awe, drinking in every detail.

Roxas laughs at him, awkwardly picking at a loose thread on his bag, “You look like you’re about to cry, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Bullshit it’s not, I still have dreams about this scene,” he reaches for his own bag and carefully tucks the picture inside, “Thank you, really.”

Roxas’ whole face flushes red and he plays it off by throwing open the car door and mumbling, “No problem.”

As he’s about to climb out of the car Axel grabs his shoulder and holds him in place, “Hey, we’ve got a gig next Saturday at a bar in the city. It’d be pretty cool if you came”

“Is your boyfriend going to be there?” his voice is cold.

Axel waves a hand in the air, “Nah, he hates our music. Says we might as well be slaughtering small animals.”

Roxas rolls his eyes, “He sounds like a real barrel of laughs.”

“You have no idea. So what do you say?”

 “I suppose I can make an appearance, but I expect an entire bowl full of blue M&Ms waiting for me in the backstage lounge.”

“I’ll contact the manager”

Roxas smirks victoriously and gets out of the car, pausing with his head still in the door, “Alright, I’ll see you then. I had fun today,”

Axel smiles warmly, “Yeah, we should do it again for sure.”

“Text me when you finish the editing?”

“Of course. Later.”

Roxas shuts the door and waves him off, but Axel stays and watches until he goes inside before backing out of the driveway and heading home.

-

Isa is waiting up for him when he walks through the door, trying to look busy by pretending to clean their already spotless living room. Lea knew it was spotless because he’d cleaned it earlier to cover up that Roxas had been there.

Isa looks up from the couch pillows he’d been needlessly arranging, “You’re home late.”

Lea crosses his arms defensively, not liking his accusing tone, “I didn’t know I was being timed. I went to the beach for a while.”

Isa hums in disbelief but doesn’t say anything further. After staring each other down for a while he sighs and walks into the kitchen, “Did you eat?”

“Yeah,” Ice-cream counted as a food group, right? He follows Isa into the kitchen as he starts pulling ingredients from the fridge for what was now going to be a quick meal for one.

“I was planning on starting that TV show tonight, the one with the super zombies, care to join?” he asks with a knowing smirk.

 Lea had been begging him to watch that show with him for months, this wasn’t fair.  He rubs the back of his neck, “Actually I’ve got a lot of footage to edit, I just went out to clear my head.”

“Suit yourself,” Isa turns away with a huff and pulls a pan out of the cupboard, slamming it on the stove.

Lea sheepishly retreats into the game room where he keeps his computer and sets down his bag. He pulls out the drawing Roxas had given him and stares at it fondly for a while before taping it to the side of the computer tower sitting on top of his desk. He snaps a picture of it and sends it to Roxas.

 **Axel (9:03 pm):** Look, you’re a displayed artist now

 **Roxas: (9:05 pm):** Thanks for putting me on the fridge mom <3

 **Axel (9:06 pm):** No problem honey  <3

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for signs of obsessive and controlling behavior.

Boisterous laughter bounces off the walls of their mostly quiet house. Years ago, it was a sound Isa loved to hear so much he would have slapped himself in the face with a cast iron frying pan just for the few precious seconds of carefree humor that would result on his boyfriend’s smiling face. It was once something that could send his head and heart soaring in the clouds no matter how weighted the rest of his body felt in the moment—something more valuable to him than gold.

More often than not these days, Isa finds himself lost in thought and going back to pinpoint the exact moment when Lea’s laughter instead started making him feel burdened and enraged. Introspection had never exactly been one of his strong points, but that moment was crystal clear. Now the sound of Lea laughing was like someone taking a drill to his ears.

Sometimes it was only irritating, and he could get by with grumbling out a few words in a tone that efficiently killed all traces of humor in the room. Sometimes it made him so angry he wanted nothing more than to wrap his hands around Lea’s throat and squeeze until he was too damaged to ever make a sound again, and he would have to spend hours after hearing it trying to forcibly calm himself down.

Other times, it simply just hurt. It hurt because Isa was no longer the person making Lea laugh, and it hurt because there were days when he didn’t want to be. Their relationship was dying, slowly and painfully, and at this point Isa supposed he had no one to blame but himself.

Things had been so easy at the start of college when both of them were still so eager to do everything they possibly could to get the skills they needed that would go toward creating ‘the best video game ever’. Lea, with his head permanently stuck in the clouds, was going to be the one in charge of bringing to life the fictional world the two of them had been dreaming up for years; while Isa, the sensible and logical one, would be the one to translate it into a language the physical world could understand and interact with. Both of them had spent their entire senior year of high school researching colleges and programs that would best fit their combined vision, and had graduated in the spring with acceptance letters to the best college on the island for both fine arts and computer science.

Less than two years in however, it became apparent that Lea just wasn’t cut out for college life. He had trouble applying himself to his coursework and attending classes, preferring to spend the time absorbed in the countless other things he found more interesting than sitting in a lecture hall for hours. Isa had done everything he could to keep him on track, but had been struggling with his own work and simply didn’t have the time to go around dragging Lea out of frat houses so he could be functional enough to go to class the next day.

Isa’s failed attempts to help combined with Lea’s recklessness eventually led to his financial aid getting revoked at the end of their sophomore year. He’d had no other choice than to drop out and move back home. Without his partner around to keep their dream alive, Isa had quickly lost interest in computer science and transferred his major to accounting by recommendation of his student advisor. Lea had not been happy with the decision, but eventually came around to accept it, and the two managed to somehow keep their relationship going strong while Isa pursued his new path and Lea tried to pick himself back up by transferring to a less rigorous community college.

Lea did manage to complete two years of courses, but when he’d approached his parents about trying to transfer back to continue his actual degree they’d told him he would first have to repay everything he’d cost them after his last disastrous attempt. Isa meanwhile had thrived in his new major and graduated college with an offer of a paid internship with XIII Dreams, the island’s most successful investment firm to date. He’d been in the process of securing a new apartment when Lea had come to him begging to let him move in with him because he was being suffocated by his parents.

Isa could never deny Lea anything, and was thrilled at the time with the prospect of them moving in together and getting the chance to behave like real adults. He really hadn’t minded being the one to shoulder most of the responsibility, that was just how their relationship worked. Isa handled all the real-world complications that Lea normally couldn’t be bothered with, and Lea provided outlets for all the stress Isa caused himself.

For the past three years that had been working just fine. Lea worked off and on at various odd jobs to pay off the debt to his parents, as well as contribute what he could to their joint household, while Isa completed his internship and landed a full-time position with the company. In only two years his salary had increased so much that they could both afford to move out of their shabby apartment and into a modest townhouse inside the city, and their living situation only grew steadily more and more comfortable the harder Isa worked to make himself invaluable as an account manager.

Everything was working out so well, until a few months ago when Isa found a letter from Lea’s parents buried in the back of their sock drawer. The contents of the letter congratulated him on finally gaining enough work ethic to have fully repaid them, and wished him well with whatever he decided to do from there. The letter was postmarked from about six months ago.

Barely able to contain his fury, he’d approached Lea about the letter later that night asking him why he’d been sitting on the information for months and continuing to withhold the money Isa had thought was going toward the debt. He’d expected a lot of poorly contrived excuses and a laundry list of merchandise Lea had purchased without thinking because he ‘couldn’t live’ without it. Instead he was completely blindsided by his boyfriend calmly and rationally presenting him with a formal plan to use the money he’d actually been saving to purchase the equipment necessary to invest in his own internet channel.

Lea explained that he was terrified of going back to college because of possibility that he would fail again and be left right back where he started. He planned on using the channel to continue fueling his desire to create content revolving around his passion for video games. He’d actually given Isa a detailed projection of the money he could possibly make if the idea took off, and while the figures weren’t exactly impressive, he couldn’t deny that it was possible to make a living off it with enough time and effort.

He would never say that he was happy with his boyfriend’s decision to swear off higher education to try and become some fleeting internet sensation, but Isa already had quite a hefty track record of getting swept up in all his dreams and passionate plans that ultimately led nowhere. He, once again, just couldn’t say no. At least this time he’d been smart enough to put a time limit on how long he’d let himself be used for shelter and food before putting his foot down and forcing Lea onto a path that might lead to some actual stability.

It was some time after that conversation that their relationship started to change. Isa worked incredibly hard to come off like he couldn’t be phased, a skill that proved to be quite valuable when dealing with personal details of what his company was actually doing with other people’s money, but the concealment of that letter felt a lot like a betrayal. It hurt more than anything. Lea told him that the reason he had hid the letter was that he was afraid of being pushed back into college if he had anything less than a perfect plan for what he was going to do instead. Isa wasn’t going to deny that his reasoning made sense, but Lea had always been a very convincing liar.

Over the next few weeks his thoughts began to spiral out of control. What if he had never found that letter? How long would Lea have continued letting him blindly cover nearly every aspect of their expenses while still believing his boyfriend really was helping as much as he could? Would Lea have somehow found a way to go behind his back and start this project of his without even telling him? If so, what else could he have been hiding throughout the course of their relationship?

He started over-analyzing every single one of Lea’s friendships, wondering which of them had known all along that he was being played for a fool and hadn’t even thought to warn him about it. One of them was surely trying to take his place; probably the screaming baboon with the terrible haircut. It wasn’t long before he started to resent Lea leaving the house at all, and he found himself making excuses to purposely tighten their budget to restrict his activities.

No matter how hard he tried to fight it, the feeling that Lea was using him continued to dominate his mind. It got to the point where every touch and kiss started to feel like a lie, so he cut off their romantic contact completely to see if Lea would even bother trying to pursue him. After that it didn’t take very long for Lea to figure out something was wrong. When he was approached Isa lied and told him that his weird behavior was just stress from work.

He couldn’t let Lea know what he was feeling; admitting his jealousy would be the ultimate sign of weakness. The first day he’d started with the XIII, his mentor Xemnas had drilled into his mind that showing even a single sign of weakness was to invite another person to control you. He’d been exposing his weak points to Lea for years and it had only gotten him hurt. He was never going to make that mistake again.

Once or twice he’d considered just ending the relationship and freeing himself of the entire burden, but the thought of Lea being with anyone else sent white hot stabs of pain through his heart. He loved Lea. He had loved Lea since the moment he met him. He was convinced their relationship _would_ work out just as soon as Isa could reestablish control and be confident that Lea couldn’t keep anything from him .

Yet already he’d failed. He had been manipulated once again into giving Lea exactly what he wanted by letting him go to that convention. No matter how reasonable the argument was, he never should have given up a single inch of his hold. Now Lea was awake texting some stranger at all hours of the night, and had been sneaking off at every opportunity no matter Isa’s subtle efforts to deter him.

He very thing Isa had been dreading for months was happening right in front of his face, and he was still too cowardly to put a stop to it. All he had to do was talk to Lea. He could apologize for acting so irrationally, explain his feelings, and they could work it out together. If only he wasn’t so scared of the possibility that Lea had already realized that he didn’t need him anymore, and was only staying around because it was convenient. Having Lea in this limited capacity had to be better than not having him at all.

Lea laughs again from his game room; loud, carefree, and completely unaware of the pain he’s causing. The last of Isa’s patience snaps, and he shuts the laptop he’d been using to try and piece together a work-related incident his boss had asked him to look into. He storms back to Lea’s room and throws the door open. His boyfriend startles in his chair and he looks around frantically for the source of the noise. When he sees Isa standing in the doorway he smiles and pulls the headset he was wearing around his neck.

 “Isa you scared the crap outta me,” Lea laughs and spins his chair around, “If you wanted my attention all you had to do was ask.”

Isa narrows his eyes, “I doubt you would have heard me over the hyena that somehow found its way into our house.”

Lea winces and drops his head, “Was I that loud? I’m sorry.”

Isa glares, not seeing the need to say anything further. Lea awkwardly spins his chair from side to side for a few seconds before picking his head back up, “Are you done with your work thing yet? I’m starving and thought maybe we could go out to that Thai place you really like—we haven’t been there in forever.  It is your day off ya know, you should at least relax for an hour or two.”

Anger simmers under Isa’s skin. Where did Lea get the nerve to distract him from his work only to turn around and beg for another free meal that said work was _paying for_? His shoulders stiffen and his jaw clenches, “No Lea, I haven’t finished with the ‘work thing’ yet because I can’t seem to find a moment’s peace even inside of my own house. If you’re so hungry why don’t you go and get some food _yourself_ for once.”

Lea takes the headphones from around his neck and puts them to the side, then stands from his chair and takes a step toward his boyfriend, “What are you getting so angry for? I just wanted us to spend a little time together. I feel like I haven’t actually talked to you in weeks.”

“And just who’s fault is that?” Isa growls, stopping Lea in his tracks.

He scoffs, “Oh come on, don’t act like I haven’t been practically falling at your feet begging to hang out with you. You’re the one that’s been blowing _me_ off.”

 “I apologize for having something more valuable to do with my time than sit around and play video games Lea, but lately even when I find a way to make the time you decide something else is more important,” Isa sneers and flips his hair over his shoulder, satisfied that Lea had taken the bait.

Lea throws his arms in the air and paces a short line across the room as he continues gesturing wildly with his hands, “That was ONE TIME Isa! One! And I DID have a lot of stuff to do that night. You’re not the only person working toward something here, even if YOU think it’s a waste of time.”

Isa leans back coolly against the door frame, “It is a waste of time. I don’t see how you can continue tricking yourself into believing anything is ever going to come of this. You need a real job Lea, something that will help you grow instead of keeping you trapped in your stupid fantasies.”

Lea freezes, cut to the bone by Isa’s sharp words. He turns his head to the side and shuts his eyes, not wanting to look at his boyfriends cold stare any longer, “So our dreams are stupid now? I knew you had changed, Isa, but I didn’t want to believe you’d become an entirely different person.”

“ _I’m_ the different person? Is that right, _Axel_?” Isa flashes a mocking smirk and sees Lea visibly shiver.

The fight seems to drain out of him and he looks over at Isa sadly, “Axel’s a character, everyone knows I made him up. I don’t even know what to call you anymore, because you sure as hell aren’t the Isa I love anymore”

Isa crosses his arms defiantly, “I’m not pretending to be something I’m not. Yes, my priorities have changed, that’s what happens when people _grow up_. Something you obviously still know nothing about.”

Lea steps closer until he’s directly in front of his boyfriend. His eyes are pleading as he takes one of Isa’s hands and pulls it to his chest, “If growing up means losing your heart then why would I want to? I don’t have a lot, but at least I still feel like _me._ I don’t know if you even realize how ruthless you’ve gotten since going to work for those psychos.”

 “Ruthless? I keep a roof over your head for years and suddenly I’m ruthless? Trust me, you don’t know the meaning of the word,” Seething, Isa snatches his hand back.

Lea drops his arms and sighs, “And you do, obviously. You’ve been happily robbing other people’s bank accounts to grow your own for years now. I’m sure you know the exact meaning of the word, along with a few choice others.”

Isa shrugs, “It’s business, not malice.”

“Tell that to all the people living in shacks in the jungle because all the money your company _promised_ to keep safe is gone. I’m not as smart as you Isa, but I’m not an idiot either. I’ve kept quiet because I  was really hoping you were trying to get out like you said you were going to, but now you’ve drank too much of the Kool-Aid to even notice that what you’re doing is wrong. I don’t want any part of it.”

Lea stomps over to the door and Isa holds up an arm to block his way, “We’re not done.”

“I’ve got a show; I need to save my voice for people that want to actually listen,” Lea glares and tries to shove him aside but Isa only digs his heels in, chuckling darkly.

He leans his head forward to whisper in Lea’s ear, “Like that little blonde toy of yours? Is that who you’re so eager to run off to?”

Lea jerks his head away and takes a step back, “What I do with _my_ time is none of your goddamn business. You don’t like it, throw me out. You don’t own me, Isa.”

“Why would I want to?” Isa deadpans. They’re silent for a moment and a single tear runs down Lea’s cheek before he continues, “You’re nothing, and you always will be unless you grow a brain and stop acting like a child.”

“Fuck you,” Lea gets in his face, and for a moment Isa thinks he’s going to hit him. Lea had always been quick to anger, but this might be the first time Isa had ever seen true hatred in his burning green eyes. Instead he firmly grips the arm blocking the door and throws it up over Isa’s head so he can leave.

As he’s passing Isa lifts one of his legs and lands a hard kick square on Lea’s back, causing him to fall forward onto the floor. Lea yelps and catches himself with his hands, then turns his head back with fear and shock written all over his face. Isa only glares down at him as he scrambles off the floor and to his feet. Lea is panting heavily as they stare each other down, waiting for the next move neither of them really seem all that eager to make. Eventually he turns around and runs for the stairs.

Isa doesn’t follow him. He remains in the doorway completely stunned, most of his anger having vanished with the look of pure betrayal Lea had shot him from the floor. What had he done? Since when did he allow his anger to control him to the point of harming someone that he loved? Maybe Lea was right, he was becoming another person.

He hears Lea creeping back down the stairs a few minutes later, then the front door opens and slams shut. Isa debates going after him, but after everything he’d just done Lea deserved some space. Still in something of a trance, he walks over to the computer Lea had left turned on to power it down. When he slides the chair aside to stand in front of the desk, he catches his own movements in a minimized window on the corner of the monitor screen. Above that window there is another showing a view of an empty and unfamiliar room. He quickly closes all the programs and turns the computer off, rushing out of the room as he begins to hyperventilate.

 Someone had seen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who? 
> 
> This chapter got a lot darker than originally intended, I hope it fits.


End file.
